I’m back! (And hopefully not as crabby)

So about a year ago my husband and I decided to uproot ourselves. Tracci took a job closer to family and in two weeks we were all packed, moving our things into storage, and living with relatives until we figured out housing. Fast forwards till now and we are still looking. To say I’m fruatrated with the situation is an understatement.

I have been trying to reflect on the past year as a learning experience about myself and I don’t particularly like what I see. I have been selfish, crabby, not present, and at times down right bitchy.

So what do I do with this information? Part of me wants to say it is the situation, shrug, and go one with life. However, the grown up adult self says get back here young lady and think about what you have done.

As I have stated before, I am an introvert. I love people but only in small doses and on my terms. Living with family has more than stretched my limit with people. I sneak me time when I can but it doesn’t give me enough time to fully recharge. I know this is one of my biggest problems which has lead to aforementioned negative attitude.

Another big issues is less time with Tracci in general and specially less time doing fun adult extra activities and you can forget about venturing for outside marriage fun. Sometimes I don’t even realize how much this affects me until I’m steamingly angry about someone unnamed not folding clothes right and preceed to give them a cold shoulder for the remainder of the night. Lack of sex apparently leads to irrational angry.

The other contributing factor is not having enough time to do all my chores, responsiblities, and fun being pushed to the way side (including this blog.) A failed juggling act where one ball is continually being dropped. I attempted to pick up the meandering ball only to have one or two others fall to the way side.

The hardest question is what to do with this self relection on my negative attitude. I would like to think of myself as a positive person and pat myself on the back for making the most out of a difficult situation but atlas I can’t. I am who I am. All I can do is accept my faults, apologies for any slightly I have commited, and try to be a more positive me. That is much easier said than done but baby steps help.

-Ena Howds


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